Saturday, July 23, 2011

The importance of friends--a confession

I've been thinking about the concept of friends a lot this past week. Being a housewife affords me very little opportunities to meet new people. I've met a bunch of my neighbors and I've met a few people at church, but no budding friendships yet. C.S. Lewis says in The Four Loves (I'm paraphrasing) that friendship isn't natural, organic or necessary which is why some people go through life without truly experiencing it. It's been a long time since I've read The Four Loves, but if I remember correctly, he believes friendship to be an important relationship and one that people need.

I've always been bad at being a good friend. I hate talking on the phone, so I don't stay in touch with the friends I do have very well. I'm always moving so it's hard to spend quality time with friends. And sometimes I get really weird about the friends I do have... like I'm too good for them or something. For example, in high school I went through a phase where I wanted more "intellectual" friends (my friends were not stupid by any means). It was really (this deserves all the emphasis available) retarded. I blame myself 100% for the fact that none of us are friends anymore. I think everything changed after I went through that phase. I am probably too hard on myself, but I know that had something to do with it.

And I sometimes take a long time to warm up to people. In college, I was in a Christian sorority. You would think I would have tons of really close friends because of that. Nope...I was too quiet, too shy, too uninvolved, etc for the first couple of years to make really close friends. Everyone else from my eventual circle of friends in the group has their close bond with at least one other person. But I totally missed an opportunity there. I really regret that now. I always felt like I was just on the outside of the circle looking in...not through any fault of theirs.

Now that I'm out of college, it's really hard to meet new people and make friends. I wish it were like back in elementary school when you pass a note to someone you want to be friends with that says "Will you be my friend?" The other day I broke down about my lack of local friends. Sitting in your empty 3rd bedroom crying is never a good thing. Luckily my husband had a great suggestion...!

Yesterday I perused for some potential groups to get involved with. There were a good amount of groups...only a few worth looking further into. One that I'm interested in is the Non-Breeders Club. It's a group just for people who don't have children. I was very surprised not to find an Air Force Wives group. The base here is huge and I think that would be a very beneficial group. Maybe I'll start one.


  1. Don't be silly! You're a great friend!

  2. I'm the same way about friendships... I have trust issues so it's hard for me to cultivate friendships beyond the few very close ones I have. Great post and I'll be checking out the CS lewis book!

  3. The book is great because it talks about all kinds of loves...romantic and otherwise. You can't go wrong with C.S. Lewis.